Were approaching your first holiday season and I am so excited for our traditions to begin! We just had thanksgiving and you ate everything! Even my piece of birthday cake 😂 I've done all of your Christmas shopping and every time something comes in the mail I just want to give it to you. I don't know how I'll wait! You are 18 pounds, 30 inches and have 5 teeth!!! You pull up and try to walk and I caught you standing on your own a while back. As soon as I saw you you sat down like... Omg how did I do that? How did I get up like this? You are so beautiful and gorgeous. Right now you are taking a nap. You sleep anywhere from 11-1pm to 3-4pm! And when its 8pm you are ready for bed again. You are your mamas girl 🙌 I love you to the moon! ❤😙
Saturday, November 28, 2015
Friday, October 23, 2015
8 month beauty
You, my sweet baby, are a firecracker. You are pulling up trying to walk, smiling at anyone who looks at you from ear to ear with your 2 toothed grin, crawling around and stealing the show everywhere you go! Everyone wants to see you, play with you and buy you things and they just adore you! You wake up with the most beautiful smile every morning and that's what keeps me going. You have a best friend Lincoln who you love to touch. You touch her hands, her face and grab her bow out of her hair hahahahahaha. You two are going to be Heartbreakers and I hope you remain bff thru life. You have been miracles to Aunt Stacie and I. You are so curious and are always watching everyones every move. You still love, love bath time which makes me so happy as an old retired swimmer. We go to Charleston monthly, sometimes more, and you get spoiled by your family. They always have bags of gifts for you and pass you around and hold you the entire time. You have no interest in this ole baby food and love sharing dinner with me. Recently you've been staying up way past your bedtime at 8 until around 12! When I try to rock you you sit up smiling at me and laughing like yea right ma, I'm not going down til you do! Hahahahha its funny because as I rock you you sit up straddling me and bounce around laughing like I'm a horsey! Usually that makes me laugh too and buys you another hour of pay time with me :) I love you so much Vivvie. I thank God for sending me you, saving me and putting motivation and love back into my life. As far as I'm concerned, you hung the moon and the stars. You are that amazing to me. I hope were always best friends. ❤
Thursday, September 10, 2015
7 months
My most favorite thing ever was rocking you to sleep every night. You used to want me, need me, to do this every night. From 2.5-6 months every night we would go into your room, I'd take a seat on the rocker and you would melt into me as you fell asleep. You'd rub my face and grunt as you drank your bottle. Your bed time routine was bath at 715, lotion massage at 740, PJs and rocked to sleep at 8. Some nights I remember rocking you, staring at the wall and being so sad. I'd study your face so that I never forgot these moments. Everyone always tells you that you'll never know the last time you rock your baby to sleep so to never take it for granted. Lord they weren't lying. There's a poem and it says there's a last time for everything and you may never know that you are experiencing ad well. I kissed you over and over again while you slept in my arms every night. I prayed over you and breathed you in. Now you're a big 7 month old. You go to bed and hold your own bottle as you drift off into dream land. Its so bittersweet. I miss our intimate and bonding moments so much but I couldn't be more proud of you Vivienne. I hope one day you understand and feel the love I have for you. There is nothing in the world I wouldn't do for you. I am so proud to be your mommy ❤
Thursday, August 13, 2015
6 month sweetie
Its like I went to sleep, woke up and BAM! you were SIX MONTHS OLD! Time has flown by. I can't complain though because every minute with you is pure bliss. I can't believe you are becoming a little person! My tiny baby is now 6 months old. Wow. We made it! People are falling in love with you left and right. You met your great grandma, aunts, uncles and second cousins this month and boy are you the new favorite!! Mama and Kneecee call you "my baby" and spoil you rotten. We drove to see them in Charleston and you slept both ways the whole time! Its so bittersweet because you don't need me so much anymore but watching you become independent makes me so proud! You have these 2 teeth popping thru your bottom gums and every time you smile... Which is a lot.. I freaking melt! If there is one thing I want you to always remember it is that so many people love you. We may not have a big family but the people we do have would do anything for you at anytime of the day/night. That is so much more important than having a bunch of mediocre people in our lives. Your mama, Kneecee, Mimi and Hayley ask about you everyday... Sometimes twice! You make us so happy chicken. I feel like you have been missing from my life and I finally found you and now I'm whole. I love you so much. ❤
Thursday, July 2, 2015
The world is your oyster ❤
There are milestones were going to meet. And when we meet one I will set the next. And the next. And before you know it you will be 18 on your way to college.
The first milestone was sleeping in your bassinet and not on my chest. We would sleep, well you would sleep, on my chest and I would prop a pillow under each arm barricading you on me. This started the first night we met. I was so worried you would roll off. Well, you didn't. That was our first milestone.
Next you slept in your bassinet, you smiled, then moved to your own crib, then you transitioned to formula at 3 months, sat up on your arms, ate bananas... You even stayed with your MayMay while I got a tooth pulled for 3 hours! All of these moments were such bittersweet accomplishments!
Tonight, at 4 months, you had another milestone. You left the house with Mimi while I worked, without me, for the first time!
This seems so small but trust me chicken, one day you will understand. Mimi said you were a social butterfly. You smiled so much! And at the old people hahahahahaha you love old people!
Anyways, I never knew what people meant when they said... When you have your own baby you will know what this is like... I thought I knew. I didn't. I don't.
I watched my phone all night. I missed you and worried. And here you are, perfectly asleep. Dreaming about all of the new faces you met today in this big world without mommy.
I love you so.
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
A year passes in the blink of an eye... And oh the changes it brought ❤
I was heartbroken, vulnerable and fell in lust with a "man" I wouldn't normally waste a day with much less 5 months.
It was Valentines day and we met at a bar I was working at, I was single on a lovers holiday, we tried, I tried.. And nothing could have made this man faithful, responsible or any less selfish. My first sign should have been when he couldn't pay his own cell phone bill but that's besides the point. I wanted a relationship so bad I could have over looked a lot... Just not what he had in store.
He cheated, he lied about having 2 kids, an exwife, another girlfriend besides myself.. But I won in the end. I have you ❤
I'll never forget him telling me in May, "Let's get married! I want to start a family!"
Lies.
I wanted that. He didn't! It felt nice to hear the things he said though, I'll give him that.
June came and surprise! I was pregnant!
The day I came back from the hospital with your first picture as a little bean is the night it came crashing down.
I watched unknowingly as he text his very young girlfriend beside me about their plans the next day. She knew about you and I but they didn't care. They were in it for the thrill and I wasn't going to allow their sick games to affect you. I found his emails .. A few to his mom saying don't tell me about his other kids, a few to strangers from the internet looking to have sex, a few from people very angry with him because he stole their drugs.
Get out of my house and don't come back. That's all I had to say.
The day he left, what should have been the worst day of my life as I was pregnant and alone and terrified, turned out to be the best day of my life. He said nasty things about not keeping you. He didnt have to keep you! You were mine and I was in love already with your little body that looked like a grain of rice in my belly. From that day on I focused on you and only you. Surrounding you with people who loved you was my mission. I never wanted you to suffer due to some "man" because we don't need him. To this day, 1 year after I kicked him out, your dad is still with this girlfriend of his texting me behind her back. He wants to be a family but he hasn't changed. Not one bit. He's still the same drug addict who wants to mooch off of us because we are doing so good baby. We have true love. Something a man can never, ever, make me feel is what I feel when I look at you.
The 9 months flew by and all of mommy's friends showered you and I with love! Pure love! They came when we found out you were a little girl! Everyone was so HAPPY! We would have loved you if you were a boy but, we had the girl thing down and were so ready! Every ache, pain, 7 day work week, was so worth it the day I met you.
Dr Vu decided we would schedule an induction on the day before your due date, 2/11.
I was so nervous. I googled everything under the sun! And your Mimi Dee dee and maymay were a ball of nerves too. May may spent the night with us the night before we had to check into the hospital at 4am and drove us there and stayed all day. Mimi arrived around 12, she would have drove me crazy if she was there the whole time. I sat in the hospital bed and listened to your heartbeat for 12 hours waiting on you! You were kicking the monitor on my belly and making me laugh because you hated to be touched and the monitors were bothering you hahaha!
The epidural sent us into distress so Dr Vu decided to stop the meds for a while and when we restarted you didn't respond and descend so.. Csection it was!
Mimi came with us and we were wheeled down the hall to the OR and you were out and screaming so loudly by 4:01 pm. Vivienne Allyn Eustace was here at 6 pounds 15.5 ounces and 20 inches that I loved every bit of. We stayed at the hospital for 3 days and had so many visitors!!! I started calling you little chicken from day one. I thought it suited you and you long chicken legs and fuzzy hair :) We spent our last night alone and I cried and laughed all night. You were so beautiful, it was scary being alone with you outside of my belly and I didn't have nice nurses. On 2/14/15, a year after I met your daddy, I was leaving the hospital with the love of my life.
Daddy didn't call, text, email from October 2014 until April 2015 when his girlfriend gave him permission to contact us.
He had no idea what he's missing... Well he does.. And he wants us back. But he can't go where were going, he's going to drag us down.
Since June 7,2014 when I saw that positive test you have been my entire universe. I want to teach you how to be a young lady who loves God, I want to teach you kindness, love for all races, sizes, religions, good manners, how to set goals and accomplish them, to be a friend to everyone you meet and get to know them no matter what crowd you hang out with. Everyone in this world has struggles you cannot see from the outside, your smile could save their life. It saves mine everyday.
I love you mommy's girl. ❤
It was Valentines day and we met at a bar I was working at, I was single on a lovers holiday, we tried, I tried.. And nothing could have made this man faithful, responsible or any less selfish. My first sign should have been when he couldn't pay his own cell phone bill but that's besides the point. I wanted a relationship so bad I could have over looked a lot... Just not what he had in store.
He cheated, he lied about having 2 kids, an exwife, another girlfriend besides myself.. But I won in the end. I have you ❤
I'll never forget him telling me in May, "Let's get married! I want to start a family!"
Lies.
I wanted that. He didn't! It felt nice to hear the things he said though, I'll give him that.
June came and surprise! I was pregnant!
The day I came back from the hospital with your first picture as a little bean is the night it came crashing down.
I watched unknowingly as he text his very young girlfriend beside me about their plans the next day. She knew about you and I but they didn't care. They were in it for the thrill and I wasn't going to allow their sick games to affect you. I found his emails .. A few to his mom saying don't tell me about his other kids, a few to strangers from the internet looking to have sex, a few from people very angry with him because he stole their drugs.
Get out of my house and don't come back. That's all I had to say.
The day he left, what should have been the worst day of my life as I was pregnant and alone and terrified, turned out to be the best day of my life. He said nasty things about not keeping you. He didnt have to keep you! You were mine and I was in love already with your little body that looked like a grain of rice in my belly. From that day on I focused on you and only you. Surrounding you with people who loved you was my mission. I never wanted you to suffer due to some "man" because we don't need him. To this day, 1 year after I kicked him out, your dad is still with this girlfriend of his texting me behind her back. He wants to be a family but he hasn't changed. Not one bit. He's still the same drug addict who wants to mooch off of us because we are doing so good baby. We have true love. Something a man can never, ever, make me feel is what I feel when I look at you.
The 9 months flew by and all of mommy's friends showered you and I with love! Pure love! They came when we found out you were a little girl! Everyone was so HAPPY! We would have loved you if you were a boy but, we had the girl thing down and were so ready! Every ache, pain, 7 day work week, was so worth it the day I met you.
Dr Vu decided we would schedule an induction on the day before your due date, 2/11.
I was so nervous. I googled everything under the sun! And your Mimi Dee dee and maymay were a ball of nerves too. May may spent the night with us the night before we had to check into the hospital at 4am and drove us there and stayed all day. Mimi arrived around 12, she would have drove me crazy if she was there the whole time. I sat in the hospital bed and listened to your heartbeat for 12 hours waiting on you! You were kicking the monitor on my belly and making me laugh because you hated to be touched and the monitors were bothering you hahaha!
The epidural sent us into distress so Dr Vu decided to stop the meds for a while and when we restarted you didn't respond and descend so.. Csection it was!
Mimi came with us and we were wheeled down the hall to the OR and you were out and screaming so loudly by 4:01 pm. Vivienne Allyn Eustace was here at 6 pounds 15.5 ounces and 20 inches that I loved every bit of. We stayed at the hospital for 3 days and had so many visitors!!! I started calling you little chicken from day one. I thought it suited you and you long chicken legs and fuzzy hair :) We spent our last night alone and I cried and laughed all night. You were so beautiful, it was scary being alone with you outside of my belly and I didn't have nice nurses. On 2/14/15, a year after I met your daddy, I was leaving the hospital with the love of my life.
Daddy didn't call, text, email from October 2014 until April 2015 when his girlfriend gave him permission to contact us.
He had no idea what he's missing... Well he does.. And he wants us back. But he can't go where were going, he's going to drag us down.
Since June 7,2014 when I saw that positive test you have been my entire universe. I want to teach you how to be a young lady who loves God, I want to teach you kindness, love for all races, sizes, religions, good manners, how to set goals and accomplish them, to be a friend to everyone you meet and get to know them no matter what crowd you hang out with. Everyone in this world has struggles you cannot see from the outside, your smile could save their life. It saves mine everyday.
I love you mommy's girl. ❤
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